Vem ska jag tro på, tro på, tro på när.....

Är idag i en situation där jag inte längre vet vem jag kan lita på, vem kan ja tro på?

Har i ett tidigare inlägg skrivit att jag har en dotter som nyss fått diagnosen ADHD
Själv så ser jag inte alla de problemen som många pratar om, ja hon har lite svårare att koncentrera sig, och glömmer saker.
Men det gör ju mer eller mindre alla barn, hennes fokus kanske är lite kortare än "de normala" men har också märkt att när hon får lyssna på musik, sitta i mindre grupper i skolan, eller kan gå iväg till en mentor/hjälp person så går det bra för henne.
Det är inte så att hon misslyckas i skolan, hon är skulle jag säga när hon vill och får rätt hjälpmedel väldigt smart och kan väldigt bra.

Och jag har varit med på ett par (inte alla,) av de utbildningstillfällen som BUP annordnade och framför allt så lyssnade jag på de andra föräldrarna, och min dotter har inte närmandevis de problemen de har med sina barn, Jag har inga problem att lägga henne, hon accepterar den mesta maten, men inte mer kräsen än jag själv var som barn. inga problem att få henne att komma till matbordet.
Strukturerar vi upp städning av hennes rum så gör hon det, men precis som jag när jag var barn, så om man hittar något roligare så är det lätt att göra det istället.
Vi bråkar inte om läxläsning, viss hon tycker inte det är kul, men vilket barn gör det, jag gjorde inte det, inte mina syskon heller.

Så när då både Psykologen och läkaren, innan de ens föreslaget något annat föreslår medicinering, så blir jag väldigt ställd, jag har ALLTID trott att medicinering ska vara SISTA utvägen, inte första.
Och ovanpå det så läser man väldigt mycket om läkare som får betalt för att skriva ut medicin, medicin tillverkare som gör allt för att tjäna pengar, för där är sjukt stora pengar inom det. och all lobbyism.
Inte konstigt att man då som förälder blir ställd och till slut inte vet vem man ska lyssna på och lita på.
Försöker själv samla så mycket både positiv och negativ info jag kan om just medicinering, och andra sätt att hjälpa min dotter.
För själv är jag och har alltid varit skeptisk till medicin, framför allt de som inte har LÅNGA studier.

önskar jag kunde hitta någon/några jag kände att jag kunde lita på, där jag kände ett äkta förtroende.
en läkare som sa, när man provat detta, detta och detta, och inget av allt detta fungerar, och vi ser att det VERKLIGEN behövs medicin, då ska vi prova denna.
men också är ärlig om biverkningarna, och inte som de jag hört än så länge bara säger att de är inte så stora, när allt man läser säger motsattsen.

så vem kan jag lita på, vem kan hjälpa mig?

Är jag jobbig

Är jag en besvärlig förälder när jag ifrågasätter, när jag inte bara godtar och när jag blir irriterad för att de hela tiden kalla min dotters diagnos för en "funktionsnedsättning"?

Jag anser inte att ADHD är en funktionsnedsättning eller ett funktionshinder, jag kämpar för allt vad jag kan för att min dotter ska se det som en fördel, en styrka. jag anser att ADHD är en funktionssstyrka.
Alla här i vår värld som har tagit vårt samhälle framåt, de som vågar se utanför våra normer, och som gör saker annorlunda, som tänker, som är rastlösa, och använder sin energi till att skapa.
Musik, uppfinningar, tavlor och allt annat som tagit oss från stenålder och till den tid vi är idag.
Inte är det alla de som är våra normala, som följer våra normer, som inte gör något annorlunda, och som accepterar.
Så varför är det då så svårt att istället för att se det som en nedsättning så hjälp dom att utnyttja sin fulla kapacitet?

en förälder som vågar gå mot strömmen och som antagligen själv har någon diagnos, och om jag har det så är jag stolt över den.

one of those days

Have had one of those days today
You know one of those do you dont really feel like you belong, something is missing, and nothing ever changes
Yes even i have those days every now and then, i start to reflect back, and i realize i dont know where i belong, but i do not feel like home here.
My days are all the same, even though they changes, they stay the same
I live when i am not home, i shine when i am out working on the events, i am a completly different person, i meet new people, i have fun and i live like in another dimension.
You always here home sweet home, but i have the complete opposite feeling, when i get back home, its like i walk into this grey area again.
I have my Job, my gym, and my Michelle, but its like this circle and i avoid going home somehow.
All i do when i am home, is do my dishes, laundry, clean up, make dinner and sleep. over and over again.
Dont know what to do about this, but i need to do something though.
I cant move, if i move, i will loose the precious time i have with Michelle, but if i dont move it will all stay the same.

Yearly reflections of 2014

2014 was the year everything turned around, when everything started to slowly become much better and start go in the right direction.
Still got some stuff to work on and fix, but in the whole it is has been a great year.

My Reflections is basicly divided into a couple of different chapters
Family/Michelle
Work
Training
Economy
Adventures

If i start with Family and Michelle, i must say that 2014 has been a year when I and Michelle has come eachother closer, we have found common grounds. Michelle has grown so much the last year, she is not a little princess anymore (even though she will always be my princess) but she is a GIRL now.
We have gone to a great start with our Daddy/Daughter dates, where we every friday she is with me, go out to a restaurant called A9 to dine and talk, I love these as instead of wasting lots of friday time with making food and such, we can concentrate on talking and looking back on the week thats been, or talk about other things that is important, and to get to know eachother.
I can concentrate and give Michelle the time and attention she deserves.
We also have had a chanse to go on a couple of vacations together, both LegoLand with good friends, but also a Weekend trip to London, and having a great time, something we will do soon again.
Sure we have and still have our moments of arguing and nagging, but in the big picture, 2014 has been a great Year for us. i think

When it comes to other family business, well ive been single the whole year more or less, i did met love in the beginning of the year, and there is still feelings of warmth ever since, but its an impossible situation, as we could not live any further appart unless one of us move to the mone or somewhere into space.
But i havent until now lately really missed having someone around, I had the chanse to concentrate on myself, on my goals, my dreams and my life, without having to take anyone else into consideration (but Michelle)
But now lately i have the feeling that it would be nice to start dating again, to go out, have fun, see where it leads.
its not that i am desperate, i have it pretty good as it is, but sometimes that someone, to have a cosy friday evening in the sofa with, or someone to wake up next to would be nice, and also the physical part, like kissing, hugging, closeness, sex is something i do miss though.

If we swap to work, I have my dream job now, I LOVE MY JOB, it gives me the right amount of challenge, The people i work with are the best, i see them as much as my friends as i see them as collegues, the work i do feels meaningfull, and i gives me both joy and headaces, but it feels important, and i feel important.
I am very good at what i do, and that is very important when it comes to liking and loving the job you do
as Steve Jobs ones said " Find a job you love and you never have to work for the rest of your life" that is how i feel.
Everytime someone tells me that ive done something great, or that ive gone beyond what i was supposed to do, My normal response is just "But I jusrt did my job!!"

Training, where should i start....
if you want to follow my training and how i do it, my results and goals, have a look at my more fitness and health related blog (http://toughesttommy.blogspot.se/)
This year has definitly been the year where i have excelled in my training, ive seen some really good results, and for me my time at the gym is more than just lifting weights, for me the time at the gym is what keeps me sane, what make me so good at the other areas in my life.
Here i get to think, clear my head, spend time with my best friends, and talk about everything and anything.
this is also where i keep building on a body that i can be proud of, a body that i when i see it in the mirror, feel good about what i see.
I have all my life been the tiny geek, i was "bullied" or teased for beeing skinny and small all the time in school, so this is my revenge, but not towards everyone else, but telling myself, that I CAN!
Even though i havent really reached my goals that i set up, i have come a long way towards them, and also my goals has changed alot since i first started.
It has also helped me to become more healthy overall, something i probably will thank me for when i get older, but not only have i become healthier, so has Michelle, she is not always happy about it, but its my responsibility as a parent to take as good care of her as i possible can.

Next big thing in my life has been Economy, I have ever since the divorce had a real crappy economy, much due to the divorce, the problem selling the house and so on, and it has haunted me for several years now, and been the one thing i have been struggling with for so long.
But I have finaly succeeded in turning it all around, i can finaly see the end of the tunnel in all loan, credits, and everything else thats been in my backpack for so many years, I have 1 more year until i am more or less debt free,
2014 has also been the year when i finaly have been able to spoil Michelle and myself more, with dinners out, travel, presents and not having to think of the cost all the time.
It has been so many years of struggle, turning every coin, and at the same time, not letting Michelle or my surounding know about it, but always keeping an appearance.
But i never gave up, i knew what i had to do, and i fought for it, i challenged myself to get through it, and to find a way.... and I DID.

and finaly, adventures, this year i have done so many amazing things, much thanks to the job i haver,
Ive been to amazing plazes, like Sydney, Tokyo, Las Vegas, Barcelona, Berlin, London, New York, you name it, and I've got the chanse to fall in love with to of my "bucket list" Cities, Sydney and New York, and i will go back not only one time, but several times, bringing Michelle with me.
Ive met Amazing people, and fallen in love, and impossible love but still, and among all the amazing people is the ones i work with, the ones i get to work with on the various sites around the world, there isnt many continents i cant visit without having someone i consider a friends.

I would say that 2014 has been an amazing year, and it has made me LOVE MY LIFE, love the life i live and the people in it.
and i KNOW THAT 2015 WILL BE EVEN BETTER

i know that cause i will make it that way!

How is it done....

I feel like a complete Rookie on this field!

I think i am ready now, and that its time for me to see if there is someone out there that accept me for who I am and they life i live.
Its not an easy task and as ive said in earlier blogpost to, I dont know how much I am ready to change of how i live my life today, and to be with someone takes both to give and to take, to find a way that works for both parties.

But enought about that now, my biggest problem is to even get into the game again, how is that done, how do you meet new people, my friends only have friends who is in relationships, so that kind of rules them out, i spend most my time in the gym, and its a bit tacky to hit on someone in the gym, that is just something you just dont do.
Well you can strike up a conversation with them, and might be something i need to practise, but its still atleast in sweden not something you just do, not without beeing considered strange or wierd, not that i have anything against when other start talking to me, but i have never been considered very swedish anyway :)

I hardly NEVER go to the pub, as well its just dont work to go there on your own in sweden, and the few friends i have are not Pub kind of people, yes ive tried.

so i am stuck in this loop of HOW DO I MEET new people?
I am open for any suggestion, and i will try them one way or another.

Sockerskolan

Blev lite irriterad idag när jag läste skolans veckoschema för nästa vecka i skolan, då de där skriver att de på Torsdagen ska fira lite Halloween, vilket väl är helt OK, men att de tillåter barnen att ha med sig Godis och Läsk till skolan, samt att de bjuder på popcorn och saft.

vi börjar med att de låter ha dem med godis och läsk till skolan, det sätter mig som förälder i en situation där jag inte får bestämma om mitt barn ska äta godis eller inte, för antingen sätter jag min 10 åring i en sits där hon blir enda barnet som inte har godis med sig, eller så går jag ifrån mina egna principer med endast godis på lördagen, och då oftast nyttigare alternativ än sötsaker.

Skolan borde istället för att uppmuntra godisätande utbilda och lära ut faran med för stort sötintag!

Framför allt nu när fler och fler forskningsresultat visar att intag av socker och liknande inte bara ökar övervikten bland barn, men även de inre farligare sjukdomarna som fettlagring runt våra organ, sådant som ofta inte visar sig förrän det nått en kritisk nivå.

Men det är en helt annan blogg.

Sen kommer vi till att de bjuder på popcorn och saft, visst popcorn är ett mycket bättre alternativ, men det är ändå så att det är sprängfyllt med energi som om det inte görs av med sparar i våra fettceller, och saften, är det sockerfri eller vanlig saft, väldigt många hälsofaktorer som de tar ifrån mig som förälder att kontrollera.

Jag kommer kontakta skolan och säga min mening om detta, och jag hoppas och håller tummarna för att hennes mor som har min dotter den veckan detta är, väljer att skicka med något som är bättre än sockerstinn läsk och godis, finns alternativ.

Life is pretty Amazing

Right now am I sitting in a hotelroom in New York City, and i could be anywhere in the world still doing most of the work I am doing, there is just a few bits and pieces that keeps me having to go to the Office in Lund.
But 90% of my job, i can do wherever and almost also wherever I am in the world.

this is thanks to some of the tools ive got to my hands, I have my Very Light and mobile Laptop, ive got my tablet, and the most important of them all my Xperia cellphone.

Reflecting of this, is that, with this life and work i have, and the mobility Internet and our devices gives us, I can do my job almost as good from a Hotelroom in NYC, a coffeeshop in Sydney, or why not a beach in Spain.
think of it... that is just mindblowing.

I love this life, i love this job, its just that Amazing and cool.

You got something i need

I had a dream the other night, about that we only get one life
You are like the net underneath the ledge, if i go falling of the edge, you are there catching me
But at the same time, you are the one pushing me over the edge

dont know if this is a temporary crush, but i do know i ALWAYS know wat i want, and this is no difference, but, at the same time, i do not know how to get it, this is new to me.

you are like my cryptonite,

Its a strange feeling that comes up on me when i am close to you?
normaly i am very confident, i know where i stand and what i want, but as soon as i get close to you its like i tremble, i get all insecure.
I know exactly what i want, but this time and this time only i dont know how i will get it or IF I will get it.
Its so easy when we speak and we can talk about everything, atleast thats how i feel, but when i see you, when i am close to you, i get all shy, why is that?

I cant remember the last time i felt this or was like this,
You are my cryptonite!
you take all my powers away

Proud, but it scares the sh#t out of me

I am so happy as it scares the crap out of me at the same time, my little princess is growing up and it goes so fast.

From the first time the doctor places you in my arms

i knew i met death before I'de let you meet harm

Although question arouse in my mind, would I be man enough

Cause i knew i loved you more than life itself

Then to my knees i begged the lord please

Let me be good daddy all she needs

Love, knowledge, discipline to

I pledged my life to you

(Just the two of us - Will Smith)

Wasnt to long since she was my little princess, as she always will be, and now she is a big girl, she just started to take cafe of her self in the morning, going up on her own alarm, leaving home after i left for work, making her own breakfast, coming home on her own right after school and making something to eat, doing her homework and everything, before I even get back home from school

and i know there is a boyfriend to, think i need to have a chat with him, as i know they have "pussats" that is not a real Kiss, but close enough.

So I am a very proud daddy, but its a hard work to be a dad to a very cute girl, that is growing up so very fast

and it scares the SH#T out of me.... will i be man enough as Will states in the song? have i tought her well, am i a good rolemodel, i try to, i really do.

Goals

Never ever stop working towards your goals
this is a storry about how i reached so many of my goals, most of it without knowing or realizing it until long time after
My first goal was to get a Medal, i had been compeeting in Judo for 3 years i think without ever getting a a single medal, BUT i never ever gave up
than i was entered in both Sydkuppen and SkåneSerien, but you had to get a medal in SkåneSerien before you where allowed to compete in Sydkuppen, the thing was that Sydkuppen was the week before Skåneserien.
And not only that, I took muy very first medal in Sydkuppen, a SilverMedal to, so now i had an even more crucial goal to reach, GETTING a medal in Skåneserien, and guess what, i sure did!

Second goal i didnt even know was a goal until i started to look back on my life,
my mother told me i when i was younger said i wanted to work at Ericsson, as i was interested in Electronics and futuretech and such when i was younger.
and end of 2004, i got a phone call from Manpower, they had seen my profile and thought it would fit in to one of their clients applications, I went to SonyEricsson to meet christer for an interview and guess what, I GOT THE JOB!

if i look a bit closer, around 2001 I helped out alot during MLM events and felt this is something i like doing, and be part of, And i remember saying this several times and it was a very strong feeling that its fun and ide love to do more.
Well 4 years ago, i was asked at my previous job at SonyEricsson, if ide like to support at MobileWorld Congress that year, and it was my time in the team to do the next travel/trip.
Apparently i did such a good job, that they the year after not just requested someone to support, but they requested and fought for it to be me comming and supporting them on the event.
and one thing led to another event, and some more events, and today i am working as an EventManager within SONY.

so there is 3 GOALS that i reached becouse i wanted to, i expressed that i wanted to, and i did a really GOOD job when doing it, so that it became my reality!

with this said, DONT GIVE UP ON YOUR GOALS they can and will be your reality.